Britcoins are a widely used used offline currency that varies widely in value. While they can be used for legitimate purposes, they are commonly used to anonymously pay for drugs, prostitutes, and Starbucks coffees.
The identity of the woman pictured on the Britcoin has long been a mystery, but reporters from the Daily Mail are convinced that the mysterious ‘Elizabeth 11’ is actually a wealthy landowner who now calls herself ‘the Queen’. The reporters say the Queen has stockpiled over a billion Britcoins, but still relies on others to pay her bills.
The Mail reporters say the Queen used to be known as ‘Princess Elizabeth’ but changed her name as far back as 1953 in a lavish ceremony. Soon after, she started putting her likeness on the Britcoin but disguised her involvement by putting confusing Latin and Welsh phrases on the edges and back of the coin.
“For a long time we thought ‘Elizabeth 11’ was Liz Hurley, but a close examination of the Britcoin portrait revealed a complete absence of plastic surgery and botox.” said the Mail’s Gavin Illott. “We must have hacked the phone of every Elizabeth in the UK without success. But then it hit us that the word ‘Reg’ on the back of the Britcoin meant ‘Queen’ and then we put two and two together and got ‘Queen Elizabeth 11’.”
Illot claims that when he put the Britcoin allegation to the Queen she replied ‘would one please f*** off’ which was exactly the same phrase used by a young Princess Elizabeth to Daily Mail reporters in 1945, 1946, three times in 1948, and over 10 times in each of 1949, 1950, 1951 and 1952.
Public reaction to the news that the Queen is behind the Britcoin has been hostile, with most feeling that it was inappropriate to thrust an elderly lady with a dysfunctional family into the media spotlight. It was still perfectly ok to make fun of Liz Hurley though.