Experts are warning that the new ban on smoking in cars with children may become impossible to enforce, so numerous are the loopholes in the legislation.
The law was expected to completely eliminate children’s exposure to cigarette smoke, but trials have already shown that smokers will go to great lengths to continue enjoying their habit.
Over ten percent of smoking motorists stopped in the Harold area were found to have fixed their child seats precariously to the roof or bonnet of the car, with their offspring getting perhaps more fresh air than strictly necessary.
Eighty-four motorists were found to be eating great mouthfuls of unlit cigarettes in an attempt to stave off their cravings, and nearly as many were caught smoking Egyptian hubbly-bubbly water pipes, professing the belief that the heavy exotic fumes filling their car were somehow ‘exempt’.
“These bastards will try anything,” lamented PC Flegg, head of revenue collection for Harold police. “We stopped a bloke this morning, sitting there at the wheel with a big goldfish bowl on his head, completely full of smoke from his cigarette. Rest of the car was fresh as a daisy, but it took us hours to get a word out of him.”
“And that’s not the worst. My officers apprehended a couple this morning – both heavy smokers – who’d decided not to have children yet, so they didn’t need to worry about the ban. Well, they’re technically in the clear, but it’s hardly the spirit of the thing, is it?”