Britain’s leading Fromologist has finally discovered what it was that he was supposed to be doing, just hours before his official retirement.
Dr Tristan Moorchamps, 68, has enjoyed the trappings of success associated with his field for nearly 40 years. Indeed, many of his learned colleagues have spoken of their admiration for a man who would regularly stop at nothing in his relentless pursuit of Fromological excellence.
Renowned for his impressively obscure vocabulary as much as his manifold speech impediments, Moorchamps was custodian to his college’s hallowed fromology library. There he would spend many a long decade, translating tomes from the original Latin into Swahili and back, looking for amusing discrepancies that could be used in after-dinner anecdotes.
“It occurred to me on the eve of retirement that I’d never once translated the blessed things into English”, admitted Moorchamps. “Perhaps if I had done so earler, I could have realised my foreordination a little more timeously.” On discovering his field of work was in fact ‘the collection of cheese labels’, Moorchamps was relieved, slightly surprised and immeasurably pleased.
“This serendipitous breakthrough lays to rest all suggestion that I may have inadvertently wasted my life”, insisted Moorchamps. “It also explains why there was so much cheese at our graduation dinners. No wonder that the students thought me intensely philosophical, when I asked why there weren’t any Baby Bels.”