Just 12 short years after the invasion of Afghanistan, William Hague has announced that the country is now ‘safe enough to take a nice, restful holiday in’.
With power being handed over to the Taliban in a traditional NATO ‘Washing of the Hands’ ceremony, Hague revealed that the first Kabul Butlins will open in a fortnight.
“It’s an all-inclusive resort, although that doesn’t include women”, revealed Hague. “You have to make some concessions to local brutal beliefs.”
Few would have thought that when the country was first bombed back to the stone age that it would claw its way up to a medieval state quite so quickly. But Hague insists Kabul itself is now ‘fewer than 100 years behind resorts such as Guantanamo, Somalia or Rhyl’.
“It’s a real sign of progress that people can fly out here and lounge by the pool, safe in the knowledge that they might not be blown to bits straight away”, said Hague. “There might not be any alcohol, but there’s plenty of opium.”
“It’s locally sourced, highly recreational, and good for masking the pain of this fairly serious shrapnel wound I seem to have picked up.”
Hague acknowledged that a holiday in Kabul wouldn’t suit everyone, in particular anyone who happened to be female or those with a rare blood group.
“Still, the prices are reasonable and you soon get used to their being no women around. It makes it less awkward when you’re sharing a room with your aide.”