Mister Super Paws, a seven week old kitten was today blamed for the lack of productivity in Harold’s commercial sector. Often referred to by his many admirers as ‘Supes’ or ‘MSP’ Mister Super Paws has been a daytime fixture in the window display at Lacrymans & Co. estate agents for the last two weeks causing detractors to claim he is endangering Harold’s economic well-being.
‘Ever since that small cat has appeared, villagers are doing nothing,’ complained Labour Councillor Nina O’Neil. ‘I have personally witnessed normally hard working Haroldites taking extended coffee breaks simply so they can go and be gently amused by a little ball of fur’s antics as he plays with string, sleeps and sometimes tries to catch his tail.’
However the Councillor is firmly in the minority with most people taking Supes to their heart to the delight of owner Gill Gates. ‘I wasn’t going to leave him at home all day with only my husband for company,’ she told the Evening Harold. ‘Mister Super Paws is tiny, cute and brimming with energy. He shouldn’t have to spend his days watching Alex playing World of Warcraft and eating pink wafer biscuits. Yes, Alex, I know that’s what you’re doing. Freelance graphic designer working from home, my bottom.’
Yesterday the charming kitten who makes the sweetest ‘murp’ noise when you stroke him brought the village to a standstill as reports suggested that he could be suffering from colic. Happily it turned out to be wind that resulted in a lovely smile from Supes and an ‘ahhhh’ from the crowd of anxious well-wishers keeping vigil in front of his window.
‘That Councillor O’Neil wants to lighten up,’ said Supes fan, Adam Cassidy as he watched Mister Super Paws playing. ‘Sometimes it does us all good to look at a kitten being adorable. Ooh he’s licking his paw and rubbing his face. Is that what you’re doing, Supes? Is it? Oh your such a clever puss-cat. Aren’t you? Who’s a clever puss-cat?’
Surprisingly, Mister Super Paws has succeeded in boosting sales for one business with Tesco Express reporting a thousand per cent increase in cigarette sales as villagers go on more and more fag breaks in order to go outside and be charmed by his antics.