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Tour de France bans cycling to make event a true test of drugs

Diehard Tour fans get ready to support their favourite drugs

Diehard Tour fans get ready to support their favourite drugs

The world’s most famous testing ground of performance enhancing drugs, the Tour de France, has announced that this year’s event will be totally cycling-free to finally level the playing field for the competing pharmacologists. The Tour is celebrating its hundred year anniversary this year, and officials have vowed that cycling will be totally stamped out, both to maintain the integrity of the drug competition and spare viewers the disturbing sight of French and Italian men wearing Lycra.

Tour de France Director, Christian Prudhomme, said the basic format of the event would remain the same with “riders” completing each stage in a bus and then walking down a finishing chute where they would be tested for testosterone, EPO, and human growth hormone. The leading pharmacologist at the end of each stage would hold the prestigious “yellow syringe”.
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