Row Over Llama Rumpus Continues


The row over the befouling of the recreation ground took a new turn today as ex-Bond girl and animal sanctuary owner, Emilie Bourdain, launched a passionate defence of her llamas.

‘My llamas are kept in a secure environment and have not and would not escape. They are extremely placid and well-behaved creatures which is more than I can say for those I have seen on the rec and their dogs.’

Whether the culprits are dogs or llamas the fact remains that the recreation ground is being consistently despoiled to the extent that it is starting to resemble, as one Harold resident put it, ‘The Somme but one that smells of shit. Unless the real one did too. Probably, it looks bloody awful on TV.’

PC Anita Flegg told the Evening Harold that she is doing her best to combat the problem and is on constant alert for rogue llamas while ensuring that dog owners control their pets and always clear up after them.

‘There is a tiny element in Harold who take no responsibility for their dogs,’ said PC Flegg. ‘I challenged one young lady who was sat on a fence texting while her dog ran riot and she told me it was “a service dog what helps me with my ADHD, innit?” and couldn’t be disturbed because it was working which I have since discovered to be a lie.’

One local dog owner on seeing the mess had this to say: ‘If that came out of a dog the vet would put the bloody thing down. It’s them llamas, Mrs Bond in her big house should keep them for her eyes only or send them back to Russia with love. If this carries on then I hope a man with a golden gun who’s got a licence to kill shoots the living daylights out of them’.

He then went on his way looking rather smug.