3. How to crime prevent someone parking in front of your drive

Crime prevention toolsFollowing a couple of ‘incidents’ involving blunt instruments, this week we will put down the baseball bat and look and some non-violent civil issues. The biggest complaint I can make up for this article is the one of other people parking in front of your driveway.

As I have already said, this is an issue that is between you and your neighbour, and not one for the law enforcement authorities, but that doesn’t mean the problem doesn’t need to be dealt with.

My first piece of advice would be to paint ‘No Parking’ in yellow paint on the road directly outside you house. This way you’ve politely informed those that may wish to leave their car there, that it would be better for everyone if they resisted.

However, it is a well-known fact that drivers of certain cars, namely Audis and BMWs but also some others, struggle with reading road signs as well as using the basic functions on their cars such as indicators.

For these drivers or to give them their correct name, wankers, we have to take more direct crime prevention measures. Although you may have other things to do, I would say waiting for them to commit the offence from behind a net curtain will give you the best chance to dish out the crime prevention directly and at the earliest opportunity.

With the baseball bats being kept safely under the bed, my crime prevention tools of choice would be a can of deodorant and a lighter. The moment you see them park up, you need to run as fast as you can towards them shouting, swearing and waving your arms around in an uncontrolled manner. This should give them a clear message as to the problem.

Should they not get the message, ask you to calm down or just look a little confused then the chances are they are not going to move the car of their own free will. The only option left for you is to burn the car out so the council will remove it.

This is where your crime prevention tool comes in handy. Apply a flame from the lighter to the spray of the deodorant and ease it on to the tyres of the car. This should see the car removed within a day or two and sends a clear message to any other wankers.

Next week, How to crime prevent a shoplifter.