2. The easy guide to prevent being mugged

More discreet options available online

More discreet options available online

Some people believe that being mugged is not that likely in Harold, but let’s just think about that for a moment. Everybody in Harold has either been mugged, knows someone who has been mugged, knows a mugger, or knows what mugging is. See, it’s closer to home than you think.

That’s why today we are looking and the best way to use crime prevention to protect yourself. The first thing I would recommend is self-defence classes. They are a great way to learn the right way to fend off an attacker. But let’s be honest, who wants to give up some of their evening or weekend pretending to be Bruce Lee.

So the next best ‘practical’ thing to do is walk around with some form of hard blunt instrument, like a baseball bat. These can be quite difficult to conceal, which is why us police have retractable batons.

Unfortunately it’s illegal to sell these in the UK, but this is where the internet comes in handy. Call me at the police station and I can give you a list of Albanian crime prevention websites where you can buy them. They’ll even smuggle them past border control for a small administration fee.

Now we are tooled up for preventing crime, it’s time to go out onto those dangerous streets. The thing to remember when looking out for a potential mugger is that you can’t start accusing everyone. That said, prevention is better than cure, which is why you need to remember this little rhyme;

They’re looking at the floor

worry no more.

They glance at you,

grab hold of your crime prevention instrument and knock the little shit out’.

It may not be the catchiest of lines, but you’ll find it’ll work. Checking the police crime prevention guidelines, you are only permitted to use reasonable force. Luckily for us law abiding citizens the word reasonable is beautifully vague. I would suggest it’s reasonable if someone catches your gaze to administer a swift blow to the base of the skull with your crime prevention instrument.

If they hit the floor, don’t hang around. Firstly there may be another criminal waiting to prevented around the corner, and you may find yourself getting arrested.

Next week; How to use crime prevention to stop people parking in front of your drive.