Coping with work-related stress

Dear Brenda,

I have worked in the distribution office for a knife and scissors wholesalers in Dunstable for a few years now. I enjoy the job but as the demand for sharp objects has increased, the work-load seems to be getting on top of me. I always seem to have more tasks to do than time to do them in, and I feel that I am always further behind at the end of the day than I was at the beginning. I can’t sleep well as I’m constantly worried that I’ve forgotten something. I’m at my wits end! What can I do?

Stressed, Harold


Dear Stressed,

sexy brendaThe first thing to realise, Sue, is that you are not alone. We all have the odd day where everything seems to go wrong, but if you’re constantly feeling stressed out by the pressures of the office, I've put together this list of coping strategies that should help.

Don’t try to do too much – Often we place unreasonable demands on ourselves. This adds to the pressure and makes us less effective.

Learn to say no – There is a limit to what you can do and you shouldn’t be afraid to say so. If your boss is making too many demands, calmly explain that you can’t do everything at once and ask which tasks are the priority.

Take regular breaks – Always have a lunch break and, if you can, get outside for some fresh air. It will clear your head and help you to focus better. Make time to release your sexual tension too. Ever notice people taking 10-minute toilet breaks? They’re probably masturbating. Try to develop a technique that doesn’t make that “slurpy slappy” noise – unless you want to send a signal to your co-workers that you’re not to be disturbed!

Get organised – Clear the clutter from your desk. Put in place a straightforward filing system. Set aside time every day to clear routine emails and paperwork. Try to resist the temptation to keep checking your email – that’s one of the biggest time drains! If you feel yourself reaching for the e-mail refresh button, stop! Reach for your love button instead. A quick trip to the toilets to flick your bean can work wonders – don’t forget to wash your hands!

Plan ahead – Be clear what your deadlines are and plan accordingly. Don’t leave a big project until the last minute – that just gives you unnecessary extra stress. Break up the task by retreating to the toilets to massage your firm breasts and stimulate your nipples until they’re rock hard. If you can, try raising one of your breasts in your hand so you can lick the nipple, leaving the other hand free to slide into your knickers and glide over your moist labia, rubbing your clitoris, or perhaps inserting your middle finger into your sopping wet love-tunnel.

Prioritise – First thing every day, make a list of what you must get done that day – and then get on with it! Tackle the task you’re dreading most first – once you’ve done it, you’ll be so pleased with yourself that you’ll feel like you thoroughly deserve that toilet break. Keep a favourite toy in your desk drawer for those special occasions and really go to town on yourself. Start slowly by working on your labia and clitoris with the tip – don’t rush to push the shaft in – just slowly get yourself moist. Again, leave a hand free for massaging your breasts and nipples. I would recommend a vibrator that also stimulates the anus, but you can improvise with anal beads, a marker pen or your “breast hand” if necessary.

At the end of the day, take 10 minutes to update your to-do list and plan for the next day.

If, despite adopting all these strategies, you find that you simply are not coping with the demands being made of you, talk to your manager about it. Explain the pressure that you’re under and describe in explicit detail the steps you’ve been taking to relieve the situation.

You might be surprised to learn that he/she’s been bottling up some stress too!

Try to be proactive in the way you approach this and make suggestions that will improve things for you and your boss, like team building activities, staff orgies or you could dress your boss up in a gimp mask and all urinate on him/her, for example.

If you want more ideas, Sue, I can pop round later while your husband’s out.


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