Dear Brenda,
My husband and I have derived a great deal of pleasure from viewing so-called “pornography” on the “internet”, and until now have considered this a private affair. But with David Cameron’s threatened “opt-in pervert porn-viewer” scheme being touted, we feel like we might be marginalised, even though our tastes (as you’d know if you tracked our web use) are decidedly vanilla.
Thwarted, Harold
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Dear Thwarted,
I know what you mean, Sue, and I know you are still at the “Vanilla” stage of self-realisation. Porn is only the sanitised external projection of ones inner fantasies, and is a healthy exploration of sexuality. May I suggest, though, that your real struggle with your husband is not so much how you awaken each other sexually, as much as how you divide household chores in an equitable and fair manner.
For example, if one of you does the cooking, the other should do the washing up. Taking rubbish out should be in turns. If he leaves skid-marks on the toilet-bowl, that should be his job. And so on. A marriage is a life-long contract of compromise, and neglecting the daily arrangements can exacerbate the trivial minutiae of routine into a major issue.
If you still think you are not compatible – even after trying your best to get on with your sweaty, hairy husband and reason with him – the smelly fat bastard – it could be that you’re a lesbian.
Think about it, Sue.
You like me enough to go for a walk in the park, or to have a cup of coffee of a lunch-time, or even go to see a film. Wouldn’t it be great if we could just jump in the shower and soap each other’s breasts, and tease our nipples until they were so hard?
If my eager fingers could explore your cleft and seek out your love button of joy?
If we could lap at each others lady-gardens like little hungry chihuahuas until we yelped in ecstasy…wouldn’t that be the answer to everything?
OK. So that’s plan B. But good luck with plan A, and I hope you guys sort something out.
Brenda
Want to unblock your porn? – Send your questions to the usual address or e-mail her now at SugarTits_69@ymail.com Or follow Brenda on Twitter – @RealSugarTits69
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