Ex-soldiers “will keep their guns” if recruited as prison officers


Coming to a prison near you, as officer or inmate

Justice Minister Liz Truss says ex-soldiers working as prison officers will not only keep their guns but also be exempted from petty European Convention on Human Rights responsibilties, such as the right to life.

“Who better to instil the virtues of discipline?” asks Truss “Who better to show what you can achieve in life with courage, integrity, and an L85A2 assault rifle?”

The news comes as the Inspector of Prisons say her predecessor Chris Grayling’s plan, for private companies supervising 50,000 short-term prisoners, has been a waste of money “Except  for Chris’ mates, they’ve done rather well from the contracts.” said an Inspectorate spokesperson “It’s called Through the Gate but Fell Through the Cracks would be more appropriate.”

Grayling criticised the Inspector’s “very small sample” of 86 ex-prisoners but was unusually silent when reminded that the whole bloody thing was based on a pilot scheme of only 16 prisoners.

Truss was similarly quiet, when asked why the wonderful military life had not given everyone the right tools for living, given that over 10% of prisoners are ex-military personnel.

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