‘Brexit means George and I will lose our jobs’, warns Cameron

David Cameron says he hadn’t want to unduly alarm voters, so previously he’d just warned that Brexit would lead to a complete economic collapse and World War III, but the cruel reality is that a ‘leave vote’ means the public could lose the best and most loved Prime Minister and Chancellor they’d ever had.

“I know the affection in which George and I are held by the British people, and it doesn’t bear thinking about how upset people will be if we lose our jobs” explained Cameron. “There’ll be wailing in the streets, teeth will be gnashed.”

“Those people up North will be so devastated they’ll spontaneously sing that ‘ding dong’ song like they did in honour of Margaret.”

Cameron said voting ‘remain’ would avoid this nightmare scenario, and after the referendum is won he would throw an enormous party and let ordinary people touch his hair.