DWP force obese 900 year old man to do worldwide parcel delivery job

The DWP has ruled an obese 900 year old man ‘fit to work’, and fully capable of delivering millions of parcels on Christmas Eve.

Department of Work and Pensions spokesperson Neville Satan defended the health and disability assessment ruling, saying the organisation scrupulously applied the standard ‘is the person dead?’ test to their Northern client.

“Mr Claus may be 900 years but he managed to the parcel delivery job last Christmas” said Mr Satan. “He’s done sod all since then so as far as we are concerned it’s back to work you fat, lazy bastard.”

Critics say the DWP are being cruel and inhumane, pointing out that Mr Claus has to deliver millions of parcels using a primitive sleigh and without being able to use those little ‘while you were out’ cards to send people to the depot. Instead, Mr Claus has to deliver the parcels at all costs, even if it means squeezing down the chimney to do so.

Mr Satan rejected the criticism saying most DWP clients have far more onerous demands placed upon them.

“We make the disabled jump through hoops, literally I mean, so Mr Claus has it easy.”

“That is why we’re making him deliver chocolate products at Easter and also do some tooth collection work as and when required” said Mr Satan.