I’ve witnessed an increase in shampoo bottle accidents in recent weeks, with many somehow finding their way into unwitting bottoms.
Every other week I have villagers turn up to my clinic who have slipped on soap and fallen backwards onto something, only for it to become permanently wedged there.
You would think it would be a million to one chance that any one slipping over in the shower would get a shampoo bottle stuck up their rear entrance, but a local clergyman has been unlucky enough to have it happen multiple times.
It’s as if the shampoo bottle is magnetically attracted to his anus.
The safest thing to do is to simply not take shampoo bottles and soap into the shower in the first place, but you can take steps to protect yourself.
For villagers that insist on washing, I have a quantity of second-hand protective bottom plugs for sale. They come in a variety of colours, usually in a shampoo bottle shape, and some are good for dandruff.