Aggressively Tested

hammerAre you a consumer? Do you consume? Are you thinking of consuming?

The Evening Harold tests consumerables with the aggression of a mid-afternoon tramp.

Tested: New Dyson Dual Ball vacuum is man for the job


Loves a bit of filth

It’s often said that the world of invention is dominated by men, without enough thought given to ‘what women really want’. But Dyson’s latest invention could be about to change all that: my dual ball upright is just what this lady ordered!

Standing proudly on its revolutionary ‘double orb’ steering system, the vacuum is as appealing to women as it is threatening to men. Tumescent, lightly veined and featuring the now ‘de rigueur’ hairless bag technology, just a mention that ‘it’s sucking time!’ has my husband Thomas wrestling the thing off me.

But before Thomas can thrust it around ‘his’ home, we have to deal with the inevitable health and safety nonsense. He’s not convinced the knee pads and purple helmet are entirely necessary, but I’m not taking any chances.

Performance anxiety is always an issue, but this beast knows how to get the job done. Thomas has tried all the strap-on attachments, and admitted he was satisfied with them all.

The small brush easily removed fluff from an LP by his favourite German composer, and gently teased a cobweb from his framed and signed photograph of Manuel from Fawlty Towers. Finally, it sucked up the remaining plaster dust, from a recently fixed fissure in the wall.

It’s fair to say that his Bach, Sachs and crack have never looked so good.

And with Thomas not letting me anywhere near the device, it gives me plenty of time to watch TV. Now if they’d just invent a remote that looks like a clitoris, Thomas would never be able to find it.

Review by Melody Hallet

Previously tested: