After the Tory conference security lapse, when a poorly advised comic came within just a few feet of Lee Nelson, red-faced MI6 chiefs have now found that James Bond, previously thought to be their most secret agent, is actually very well known.
“Our suspicions were raised when we found Commander Bond had his own theme tune.” said actor and former head of MI6, Dame Judy Dench.
“It transpired we had a mole. Everyone seemed to be expecting him when he showed up at their secret lair, even when he arrived by parachute. It turned out that a former intelligence officer, Ian Fleming, had been passing information to a publisher who later sold it on to anyone with the price of a paperback novel.”
“He was his own worst enemy when it came to keeping his identity under wraps.” said Dame Judy “Everyone he met he’d blurt out ‘The name’s Bond, James Bond’. He’d have been on Twitter if he’d had his way.”
“Of course, with hindsight, the Corgi Aston Martin was probably a mistake,” admitted a thoughtful Dench “he never got a single villain on the passenger seat after that.”