A local Harold chimney sweep says it was purely a coincidence he was hosting a class of 9 year olds for ‘Bring a Kid to Work’ day on the same day he had a number of extremely narrow chimneys to clean.
“People can believe what they want, but the truth is I had completely forgotten I was due to clean the exceptionally narrow chimneys on the terraced row on Gluggle Street” said Little Scamps owner Ernie Evans. “After all, those Gluggle chimneys were last cleaned in 2012 when I hosted room 4 for the 100th anniversary of Charles Dickens’ death, so it’s not surprising it slipped my mind.”
“The thing is I was just trying to teach the kids the value of hard work, and how that hard work can be cruelly exploited when a right wing pro-capitalist government is in power. How can that be wrong? Anyone who says differently is an obvious communist.”
“I was also at pains not to discriminate against any of the kids, which I think I showed by lowering Billy Yates down the chimney, wheelchair and all. You should have seen the look of excitement on little Billy’s face as he scrubbed away – obviously it was a bit unfortunate his wheelchair got jammed and he was stuck there for 8 hours, but he still took a keen interest as the fire service demolished the chimney brick by brick” observed Evans.
Evans said it was out of his control that none of the children were washed before they returned home, as he had to stay with the trapped Billy Yates and explain to him that he might as well keep scrubbing the chimney to keep his body heat up while he waited to be freed.
“So they all went home with black faces? So what, black kids go home with black faces all the time” said Evans. “The complaining parents are clearly massive racists – they should take a good look at themselves in the mirror, well after cleaning off any residual soot first.”
Evans said the whole experience has put him off doing community-related activities, and he would think twice before going to the hassle of rounding up locals at gunpoint and forcing them into chain-gangs on World Anti-Slavery Day this year.