People who fell foul of Wonga’s badly made, fake lawyers are already fabricating their own interest rates for compensation.
Not content with using fake old people as well as a forged moral compass, Wonga avoided paying for real legal representation by using a sock puppet with two blood-sucking fangs.
Pippa Delaney from Harold has yet to settle on the final settlement figure.
“As an inventor I’m interested in exploring the outer limits of quantum mathematics”, said Delaney . “So I’ve set up my laptop to calculate the largest possible number that will fit on an A3 page. I’m expecting the result by mid-July.”
Delaney said that she will then double this figure, add an admin charge, plus the cost of hiring a replacement computer whilst hers is otherwise engaged. “Finally I’m including an additional ‘sundries’ item to cover the cost of advertising and the new Bentley I’ve just ordered. And those crosses and garlic bulbs didn’t just buy themselves.”
Wonga’s Tim Weller responded to the news by shouting at us from the top of a big pile of money. “That sounds like usury pure and simple, the kind of thing that could lead to sleepless nights and days of gnawing anxiety. So, much the same as our own business model; sounds fair enough.”