Harold GP Dr Evans has spoken out today about the increase in prescriptions he is writing for Methafone, a mobile phone substitute aimed at helping 3.5 inch screen addicts stop using their device for more than five minutes.
“Often people try to go cold turkey,” Evans explained, “but even though they will claim they are not addicted and are in control, you can still observe them waking up their device just to look at an empty home screen with no messages or missed calls.
“Methafone will give them the same experience of having a mobile phone in their pockets or glued to their hand but without the nasty side effect of being punched in the face by the person trying to hold a conversation with them.”
With confusion over the use of E-Cigarettes in public buildings still rife, many restaurateurs have started complaining about the amount of Methafones being put on tables during people’s meals.
Dominic Delany, co-owner of ‘Veggie! Veggie! Veggie!’ cafe told us it was not just having Methafones on the tables that was causing an issue.
“It seems that even with its use, people still can’t quite get used to not having a functioning phone at their beck and call” he explained. “I would be a millionaire if I had a pound for every time someone tried to take a photo of their food with the brick.”
Local teenager Katherine Hallet (16) said she had been on Methafone for 6 months but was still finding it hard.
“I find myself just checking and staring at it waiting for someone to call, or message, or a friend desperatly trying to get me on Whatsapp, sometimes for hours on end but alas nothing would happen. I think that is the problem. It is just too like the real thing.”