The United Kingdom was united in joy today as the England cricket team nearly won a match against the Australians.
Little was expected of the brave England team at Brisbane’s Gabba ground today, but few could have expected them to achieve it so easily.
Setting the Australians a tricky 800 to win off their 50 overs, England could be forgiven for being a little disappointed at seeing their opponents ease past the total with 42 overs to spare, but captain Alistair Cook was jubilant at the closeness of the defeat.
“I couldn’t be prouder,” he gushed from England’s open-top bus near-victory procession around Brisbane after the game. “We came here with a job to do, and we nearly did it. How could we do more?”
Back in the UK, there have been calls for knighthoods to be bestowed upon the almost match-winning team, and Prime Minister David Cameron was quick to lead the bandwagon. “This ranks alongside the great England near-victories – one thinks of Frank Bruno in ’89, the England football team in 2010 – great moments, every one.”
Commentators are now calling for the recent BBC Sports Personality of the Year trophy to be re-awarded, given this unexpected upturn in sporting fortunes. “It’s only fair,” explained respected thinker Geoff Boycott, “Andy Murray only got it for winning Wimbledon – that could happen ten more times before England nearly beat Australia again…”