With the Everest route now easier thanks to the many fixed routes and improved oxygen technology, not to mention the detention of rock wielding Sherpas, top climbers have turned their attention to an ascent previously thought impossible – climbing David Cameron’s forehead.
Even getting to David Cameron’s forehead is a mission in itself. Climbers first have to get permission to summit Cameron which means a £15,000 access fee unless one is a high-ranking Tory or Rebekah Brooks.
One of the few to make a serious attempt at the route is Harold climber, and 3 time Everest veteran, Doug Hillary.
“The initial climb up David Cameron’s trousers was steep but there was a good hold from his knobbly knees, and an unexpectedly small hold around his groin region.”
“I went to set up a base camp in David Cameron’s pocket but was surprised to find there was a clutch of wealthy industrialists already there lining Cameron’s pocket with ‘anonymous’ donations. So I navigated a difficult stomach overhang and spent the night in his breast pocket.”
Hillary said the next day’s climbing was the most difficult of his 20 years in the sport.
“I completely underestimated what a slippery character David Cameron is – I spent all morning making my way up his neck before getting a weak hold on his chin. A difficult scramble up his face was worth it as I stood on his eyebrows gazing up at the awesome sight of David Cameron’s huge, shiny forehead.”
“Unfortunately that was as far as I got – the disposition of David Cameron can change at a moment’s notice and all it took was a clip of Boris Johnson smiling on the 6 o’clock news for a sudden, violent storm to flare up. I was forced to shelter in the cramped quarters of his nose before scrambling down to safety.”
Climbing guru, John Rollo, says the holy grail of climbing David Cameron’s forehead will probably remain unachievable unless steps are taken to make the route easier.
“Cameron likes to think he is a cool guy, so a couple of strategically placed piercings would help, perhaps in conjunction with a more extensive frontal comb-over.”