Reg Dwight, frequent uninvited pianist at Harold’s Squirrel Licker’s Arms, announced today a discovery which could change the face of music for ever.
Dwight, 43, has been on the fringes of stardom since his famous residency at “Sally’z Cut’z” hairdressers and grill. After deciding to go into showbusiness at the age of three, he changed his name from the original “Elton John” to improve his image. Talking to the Evening Harold this morning, he spoke of his amazing find.
“I was in the local pub, tinkling happily on the ivories, which I’ve been thrown out for before, when I had the most amazing feeling. And not long after that, I discovered a new natural note in the scale, between the ‘G’ of one octave and the ‘A’ of the next. I can’t believe no-one’s noticed it before!”
The extra note, which musicologists are already calling “H”, could bring a whole new dimension to melody, but some are less than pleased. Alfonso Garibaldi, senior composer with the Harold Symphony Orchestra, confessed his annoyance at not being the one to discover it. “What a pain in the arse,” he said in a statement to journalists. “It’s bloody obvious when you think about it – comes after ‘G’, it was always going to be sodding ‘H’, wasn’t it?”
Mr Dwight’s fame and fortune seem assured, as having already mastered the extra note, he is planning concert tours and recording sessions. The same cannot be said for Harold’s most celebrated musician – Albert “No-Thumbs” Rogers, the renowned blues pianist famous for having only eight fingers after a shark attack off the Harold seafront. “It’s a bit of a pisser, really,” he said sadly.