Tag Archives: David Davis

Man planning hard divorce hires chainsaw to split the assets

David Davis photographed when he found out he’ll still have to pay the debts

A Dunstable man going through a divorce has hired a chainsaw with which to split the family assets and he’ll start with the house itself.

“It’s got a wooden frame so it should be quite easy, as long as I don’t hit any nails” said David Davis “I assume that’s what she meant by ‘sparks are going to fly’, when I told her about it.”

Davis won’t consider a soft divorce, where everything is discussed beforehand. “I want to crash out of the marriage without any agreement, so I’ve insulted my wife and her lawyers as much as I can. My mate Boris told me that’s the best way to get what you want – which in my case is Continue reading

Leave a Comment

Filed under Around Harold, Brexit, idiots, News

With Brexit “‘as complicated as moon landing”, conspiracy theorists predict it will be faked on a movie set

If you look carefully, you’ll see Nigel Farage directing the actors

Shortly after David Davis said that Brexit was “‘as complicated as moon landing”, conspiracy theorists across the country muttered “It’ll all be faked.”, tapped their noses, and adopted knowing smiles.

Harold conspiracy theorist Adam Cassidy, who knows that cannabis cures cancer, aliens landed at Roswell, and Tories have your best interests at heart, says the 1978 documentary Capricorn One proves that governments repeatedly fool Continue reading

Comments Off on With Brexit “‘as complicated as moon landing”, conspiracy theorists predict it will be faked on a movie set

Filed under Brexit

“I thought I might hold out for weeks!” David Davis celebrates Day 1 cave-in

“I won’t necessarily fold so easily next time. I will of course”

Minister for riding the Brexit bomb, David Davis, is chuffed that he’s already completed his first U-turn on only the first day of Brexit talks.

“No one reveals their hand at the start of negotiations,” chuckled Davis, whose biggest success at wheeler-dealing was getting us to pay for mowing the paddocks at his country house.

“I won’t necessarily fold so easily next time.” he said, after flat-spotting his tyres with the speed of his about-turn on timetabling, before admitting “I will of course, but Continue reading

Comments Off on “I thought I might hold out for weeks!” David Davis celebrates Day 1 cave-in

Filed under Brexit, News

Tense nation looking forward to a good, hard Brexit

balloon

Brexit lifts us up where we belong

Minister for Brexit, David Davis, is to promise the UK what it needs in a speech at the Tory conference.

“Will it hurt?” he will say. “Not for me. For you, that’s a different matter. Hurt is such a subjective expression, don’t you think?” Continue reading

Comments Off on Tense nation looking forward to a good, hard Brexit

Filed under Brexit