New Barclays logo also very popular
In a shock announcement which has delighted the nation, Barclays has confirmed that it plans to create between 10,000 and 12,000 jobs this year, and has decreased its bonus pool by 10%.
Campaigners praised Barclays for showing how a massive company can make a huge difference to the lives of ordinary workers, without doing any harm to efficiency or profitability.
“I suppose this may not be what people expected”, Chief Executive Antony Jenkins told the Evening Harold, “But we just realised that all this stuff about having to pay ever huger bonuses to ‘attract talent’ is actually pure bollocks. It turns out that there are quite a few bright people who would be more than happy to earn 100 grand a year without ten times that as a bonus – who’d have thought it?”
Filed under Business, Crime
George Osborne has tackled Labour’s ‘cost of living’ argument straight on today but refusing to limit bankers’ bonuses, allowing them to continue to live to a standard they have become accustomed.
“I am not as out of touch as Labour would have you believe,” Osborne told a press conference.
“I am well aware that rising energy prices are making it difficult for people to heat their homes, especially when those homes include an eight-bedroom country manor and a Central London apartment.
“With fuel prices rising, we don’t want ordinary, hard-working people giving up their jobs because they simply cannot afford to get to work, and aviation fuel is almost as expensive per litre than some of the finest champagnes.”
The chancellor has been criticised for not capping the bonuses. Critics claim a million pound salary should be enough without another million pound on top.
But Osborne insists any cost of living crisis could be solved by letting bankers be rewarded for gambling.
“The larger the bonus given to my friends, the more I have to defend it,” Osborne continued, “and that should create enough hot air to heat the whole country.”