The boy’s mother, at press conference explaining mistake
More than one vinyl record has been sold in the UK so far this year – the first time the milestone has been achieved since 1996.
The figure marks a largely unexpected resurgence in an industry now considered to be dominated by digital.
Earlier this month, Pink Floyd’s The Endless River became the fastest-selling, and indeed only, vinyl release since 1997, with combined total sales of one unit.
The unexpected rise in sales to two – a 100% increase – was at first thought to be due to the amusing retro stylings of hipsters, but turned out to be merely a confused parent buying an Oasis album.
The Official Chart Company told the Evening Harold that if sales continue to increase at the current rate it will soon consider launching a “Top Three” chart.
Actually, yes. It is all about me. It always is.
Robbie Williams tried to distract his wife Ayda from her recent labour pains, with a spirited rendition of his hit song ‘Candy’ whilst she was in the maternity suite. “It was difficult to tell if it was working, because she usually whimpers when I’m performing.” said Williams.
The celebrity couple’s second child made a much-delayed appearance at Dunstable Royal Infirmary maternity unit as nurse Ærndís Vigfusson explained. “We’d already seen the baby’s head. But when Mr Williams started prancing about, the wee mite crawled back up the birth canal.
We had to coax him back out with some jelly tots and an exclusive contract with ‘Hello’ magazine.” Continue reading
Cheering music fans this morning
The Apple Corporation have won this year’s Mercury music prize for their new tool allowing customers to remove the U2 album which was forced into everyone’s iTunes collection.
The prestigious award is given only to individuals or groups who have made the biggest contribution to music in the last year, and eradication of the bloated sack of pretension that is Songs of Innocence certainly qualifies.
The music press has already compared the removal of the album with the release of the Beatles’ Sgt. Pepper, or the birth of Beethoven or Mozart – one of the landmarks in musical history which arrive at most once in a lifetime.
“It’s like a giant turd has been cleaned from a beautiful landscape,” gushed music journalist Peter Paphides this morning. “People may say that the removal of an item is an intangible non-thing, but is the absence of ugliness not beauty? Is the removal of pain not pleasure? And more importantly, U2 really are shit.” Continue reading
Mr McCartney mulls the Kintyre.
Alex Salmond has responded to a letter signed by Mick Jagger and 200 other people you’ve heard of by insisting Scotland will keep the Paul McCartney.
With celebrities lining up to express an opinion on Scottish indepence from their tax havens, Alex Salmond revealed he had drugged Paul McCartney and now had him in his cellar.
“The Rolling Stones are smashing, I love the Rolling Stones”, said Salmond. “But at the same time I hate them and can’t wait to distance our proud nation from their Brown Sugar, Keith Richards and endearing lack of ability to maintain a basic rhythm.”
Filed under music, Politics
A sickening monster, and Rolf Harris (also a sickening monster).
Disgraced keyboard ‘The Stylophone’ could face further charges, after it was convicted this week of historic music offences.
With its clean-cut styling and friendly vibrato control, few suspected the racket it was capable of.
“I always trusted Stylophone, even though the older kids said keyboards sometimes dabbled in prog rock”, said Harold resident Dave Evans.
Free anarchy T-shirt with every edamame bean salad.
Thousands of citizens have enjoyed a weekend of government-approved anarchy, claimed Britain’s propaganda machine, the BBC.
Rebellious festival-goers paid £215 each to make a stand against the Status Quo, one of the few geriatric groups not performing this year.
“I love the chance to express my individualism by phoning up and buying a ticket when the media tells me to”, said a defiant-looking Nigel Farquar-Smitherington.