Amazon has confirmed that unscrupulous shoppers who leave 5-star reviews of films, despite them containing Adam Sandler, will be sued.
Although Sandler has near-universal unappeal, some malicious trolls have gushed all over his leavings on the popular online shop.
Amazon fears this could cause unwary customers to order them, which might damage their trust in the tax-efficient company.
“It’s not just our members we worry about”, said the store’s head of fraud and accounting, Sam Hoosier. “Encouraging people to buy films with his leering bloody face on the cover inevitably means that our staff will have to handle the damn things.”
Workers in Amazon’s massive Luxembourg warehouse in Milton Keynes can lose up to 25 minutes of productivity, after parcelling a Sandler. The gift-wrap option has already put one employee in a coma.
As Hoosier explained, “It’s no wonder we never make a profit.”