Millions had their hopes dashed today when the meaning behind Coldplay’s so-called break up album was revealed. Despite expectation it’s not an album over which the band have broken up but merely one in which Chris Martin tits on endlessly about his ex-wife.
Villager Will Dryden has heard a preview and is very disappointed. “As a middle-aged man with a child named after fruit, and facing an amicable divorce from a vacuous food tormentor, you’d think this new Coldplay album would really chime with me. But it didn’t, I just thought it was a bit shit.”
Despite having exhausted all his trauma for the new album, Ghost Stories, Chris Martin says that he still has plenty of material from his life to write songs about and that he’s sure fans will love the Coldplay’s next albums The Kids Have Eaten All The Goji Berries Now What Shall I Have For My Tea and it’s sequel It’s Actually Quite Hurtful When People Say I’m As Annoying As Bono.